03 Aug 19:53
I'm sorry I haven't been around lately.....I am in a lot of pain.....and feel exhausted all the time....hope to come visit more and you all are oke....as far as possible....
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03 Aug 19:54
Ah. Get well soon.🦁
03 Aug 22:42
04 Aug 02:05
Feel better soon Afina 💙
04 Aug 17:46
Thx for the kind reply's ♡
04 Aug 21:47
I think it's mostly mental issues now.....The one thing that hunts me from my childhood is sexual abuse when I was three...And I lived with a dark secret for years...now I have talked about it....but the peace of mind is still waiting to arrive....
04 Aug 23:33
Afina, sorry to hear about the abuse... I had it too... I guess maybe my Faith in God is strong because of it. Really don't know where I would be without God to tell you the truth. Hang in there darlin'
05 Aug 09:15
Focus on yourself affina, and take as long as you need to get back on track, I'm sorry for what some monster has put you through🌹🌹
05 Aug 13:21
Thx Cindy....I put it so deep away in my conscience that I could function reasonable well...although I later realized that that was where my childhood and puberty problems were related to. It got worse when I became a mother....and I was so scared someone would hurt my kids....that pushed me over the edge.
I remember the " event " and my mother's anger....she was angry at the man of course....but nobody ever talked about it again...as a child I think I felt like my parents were angry with me....my mother later said she went to the doctor with me...because I couldn't pee after it happened...but I don't remember that....
05 Aug 13:36
Omg Afina, he should have been locked up for life, and the key thrown away, its strange how our coping mechanism kicks in when really bad things happen to us and we just keep going, then all of a sudden something sets it off and we fall in a heap:(. I totally understand you wanting to protect your children and going over the edge I would have done the same, it must have be terrifying for you to make sure what happened to you didn't happen to them, I can't imagine how it felt for your mother knowing that some monster hurt her baby so badly :(
05 Aug 13:37
05 Aug 19:08
Thx Cindy....our survival mode is really strong.....but even the touhgest string snaps eventually.
@Susan ....Sorry for not responding to your story jet.....You know how much it hurts....and all the other problems and fears that you have to cope with.
I am happy for you that God is helping you.....I pray for peace of mind often....but instead of leaving it with Him who heals....I take it back with me after my prayers 😔
05 Aug 19:13
Afina, I get the taking it back thing. Not sure if I got that correctly. What I have noticed, a lot lately, is that I have a renewing of my mind. I rarely go back. Not sure if I can actually. I tend to be rather positive and all my experiences have created a wonderful, dynamic, caring, charismatic, fun, yada yada woman. I wouldn't change a thing. I just wouldn't because I have learned empathy as well on this journey.
05 Aug 19:26
Way to go Susan....
Some day I will get there too I hope....
I suffer from a depression for months now.....I was even trying to find a way to get out of my life......but thankfully God stopped me....and my kids and husband don't have to live on without me....thinking if they could have stopped me...
And I learned something from that experience....I could never understand how people could take their own life...a specially when they have a family at home.....but now I understand that it's not because they want to die....they just don't want to feel the hurt and pain anymore....
05 Aug 19:34
Well Afina... I totally get what you are saying. I know a few years ago I was diagnosed with depression. I felt heavy all the time. I went on antidepressant medication for about a week... I felt worse and everyone said it will get better. What I did is pushed myself all day long to take a walk. That meant literally sometimes only 5 minutes. I actually just left my shoes on and forced myself. Really hard, but it only took a couple days and before I knew it was was way better. As far as disappearing to end the pain... Trust me. Been there. No thoughts at all at that time of how it would hurt my kids or any of my family. I'm writing a book and will let you all know when it's done. I plan to bring hope to a new life to those struggling.
05 Aug 22:22
I am happy God stopped me....and the strange thing is...I was looking in the barn...a saw....a hammer....while I have a lot of sharp knives in my kitchen....
I know what you mean...I don't go anywhere if it's up to me....but I will beat this some day....
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